So Grateful In 2017

If you live in the United States, you probably just finished a few days worth of visiting with family & friends and filling up with yummy food. I hope you had a wonderful time! This time of year, as we close in on the holidays, it is common to find yourself thinking about what you are grateful for in your life. 2017 was full of changes and realizations for me. I wouldn’t change any of it, but what am I most grateful for?

Give Thanks

This Blog

More accurately, I’m so glad I was able to find the nerve to start blogging. Writing for my blog encouraged me to learn about blogging, different forms of social media, marketing a blog, video, and much more. It also drove me to look further into the types of self acceptance I want for myself. I’ve spent a lot of time this year examining who I am, why I do things, and how my thinking helps or hurts me. Although I haven’t written anything over the past few months, I’ve still been on my Twitter and Instagram accounts, and I love the people I’ve found there.

So, my blog as brought me knowledge, growth, and community. What’s not to love?

Still life with a white chair in a field with a basket of flowers next to it and a bowl of pears and some orange flowers on it. Grateful 2017

My Doctors

I’m very grateful to have doctors who listen to me and work to improve my life quality. While I still have daily pain, need to work around my dysautonomia, and deal with my anxiety and depression, it is so much better than it was last year. So many people have doctors who won’t listen to them and/or are satisfied with providing a low-level of care. My doctors have worked to find answers for me, and strive to be sure I am getting the care I need to have a good quality of life, not just the bare minimum to get by.

A white plate with a piece of pumpkin pie on it with whipped cream. The plate sits on a wooden table and has three pine cones next to it. Grateful 2017

My Husband

My husband of over 20 years is incredibly supportive. Anytime I have an interest I’d like to explore or expand on, he backs me. His support of me and this blog has been amazing. I can think of a few times I may have quit if it wasn’t for him. He believes in me more than I do half of the time, although I’m working on that.

In addition, the patience, understanding, and willingness to learn about my chronic illnesses that he shows is so appreciated. Dealing with this stuff can be really hard, and a supportive partner makes all the difference. He listens to me on my bad days, and we try to take full advantage of my good days. I’m really glad I have him with me on this journey.

As we head into the holiday season, I hope to get a lot more writing done. My goal is to post more often, but try to keep them short for now. Be sure to subscribe to stay updated!

The author's name, Leigh, in red script, to the left with a coffee cup to the right.

Brain Fog, Fatigue, and Pain: Confessions of a Chronically Ill Blogger

I’ve decided to start a monthly series here on Flawed, Messy Life. It’s called Confessions of a Chronically Ill Blogger, and I’ll share some of the challenges I face and how I deal with them. I’d like the share my journey of making my dream come true with all of you.

 

I’ve mentioned before that I have fibromyalgia, inflammatory arthritis, dysautonomia, depression and anxiety (generalized and social). Today I want to discuss how these affect me as a blogger. Since they have many overlapping symptoms that are the main issues, I decided to cover it by symptom rather than by condition.

Brain Fog

This is my most common problem. Even when everything else is behaving, brain fog is a frequent issue. Brain fog is a symptom of quite a few different conditions, and it goes along with all of mine. It really is foggy thinking or mental cloudiness as these pictures describe.

What is brain fog? It's trouble with concentraion, being easily distracted, word recall, and more.Brain Fog: Mental Cloudiness: confused, distracted

Brain fog for me is seeing the word or thought in my head and not having the capacity to verbalize or decipher it. I know it's there. I know what it is. I just can't reach it...Chronic "on the tip of my tongue" -Stephanie Becker-Wright
This quote on brain fog is fantastic. I’d describe it the same way.

You need ideas and words put together somewhat intelligently to compose a blog post. That isn’t an easy task with brain fog. Finding the right word for common objects is a challenge some days. I’ve lost the word for potholder, tea, cup, notebook, and many other simple objects before. I will again. Now imagine trying to get more complex ideas out of your head and onto paper. It just isn’t going to happen some days.

This is a huge hurdle when writing a blog. Of course I would rather be prepared for the times my brain fog drags out for days. To do so, I do as much writing as I can on my good days. I might manage to get 2-3 weeks of posts done in one week. This can help so I either don’t miss posting, or only miss one day if things get pretty bad. I also keep ideas ready that take minimal planning and brain power. Thankfully, I have awesome readers who understand when those tricks aren’t quite enough.

Fatigue

This is the next largest problem. Being able to think clear isn’t much good if you can’t stay awake. Fatigue is not the same as being tired. It is feeling like you are moving through cement. When you suffer from fatigue, you feel weighed down, like gravity is higher in your vicinity.

Defining Fatigue: Pathological and Psychological fatigue: The North American Nursing Diagnosis Association definition of fatigue is: "The self-recognized state in which an individual experiences an overwhelming sustained sense of exhaustion and decreased capacity for physical and mental work that is not relieved by rest."
A good definition of fatigue.
Fatigue Scale
This shows how fatigue and the resulting brain fog can vary.

Fatigue means I will suddenly not be able to stay awake. I have no choice in the matter. A nap will happen.

Nap Attack: They Can Happen at Any ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

I’ll still manage some writing if this is my only problem. It might not be something new, but I can type up a draft already written up in my notebook, or I’ll proofread and add on to a first draft saved on the computer. I try to manage at least a little progress on these days.

Pain

While pain can bring on fatigue and brain fog, on its own pain is actually the easiest symptom for me to deal with. Brain fog and fatigue are all-consuming and demand your attention. Pain, I can distract myself from.

With some pain pills, music, or just writing a blog post I can many times find some tactics, or a combination of them, to distract myself and accomplish something. Again, the only works if the pain hasn’t worn me out already and caused the fatigue and brain fog to set in.

So, those are the three main obstacles I have as a chronically ill blogger. My posting schedule has to work around my brain fog, fatigue, and pain. It’s an extra challenge, but I feel it is worth it. My anxiety and depression are different animals, and I’ll address them in another post in this series.

Much love to you all and thank you for being a part of this.

The author's name, Leigh, in red script, to the left with a coffee cup to the right.

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