It Took 20 Years To Get Treatment For My Anxiety

Looking back I think my anxiety started more than 20 years ago at about the age of 17. I don’t really recall any symptoms before then. I didn’t like all eyes on me, but I was still able to do everything I wanted to do.

Early symptoms

At 17 I started working at Wal-Mart. Overall, I enjoyed it there even with the amount of people I needed to deal with and the pressures the job had. Still, I would find myself unable to force myself into work some days. As I drove closer, I would tear up, and if I made it to the parking lot I would hyperventilate and not be able to stop crying. I didn’t realize I was having a panic attack. On those days I would usually swing by my boyfriend’s house halfway to work and ask him to call me in sick.

He was a huge support for me. I always called him my personal Valium or Xanax. I’m married to him now, and he still has an amazing gift when it comes to soothing me. Since early in our relationship I relied on him to calm me and make me feel safe. It didn’t occur to me that I shouldn’t need another person to calm me down. At first because I was only 17, and then because it was just how things had always been. I thought it was sweet.

Diagnosis

Over the next few years I began avoiding new situations, places, etc. For example, my husband learned to not suggest a new restaurant for us to try. I reliably had a panic attack anytime I would attempt such a thing, and declining the suggestion would also bring one on as I panicked at the idea of disappointed someone.  Some days would be so bad that I couldn’t even bring myself to get food in front of extended family at a get-together.

In my early 20’s a set of circumstances escalated my symptoms in a way that left me misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder. In actuality I had depression and generalized anxiety (along with social anxiety) that wasn’t treated. Still, we got my symptoms down to where I could function and be a better mother.

Things get worse

Over the next 10 years I would have two more kids (4 total) and be on a few different treatment plans. In between, the types of situations that brought on my panic attacks increased. On one occasion I was asked to join in a game at my child’s scout meeting. Although I didn’t want to, I went along with it and held myself together until it was my turn. Suddenly I panicked and ran out. Sitting on the step crying, I was so embarrassed. Even more so, I was so grateful to my child and the troop leaders for their understanding. Still, I couldn’t bring myself to go back into the room, and we went home soon afterward.

Another time I was determined to take my oldest to their first clogging lesson. As we drove past the building, I just couldn’t make myself stop and go inside. There was an unexpectedly full parking lot, and it was overwhelming to me. I felt like a failure as a parent, but I knew that I would have a full panic attack if I tried to push myself. I’d learned that lesson at the scout meeting. So, I explained what was going on, apologized to my child, and we drove home. Again, I’m so thankful for the understanding they were able to give me even at a young age. We were able to make it to the next lesson, and since I was familiar with things from then on, there wasn’t another time that I couldn’t do it.

During all of this, it never occurred to me that anxiety was the problem, nor that it could be treated. It wasn’t until my early to mid 30’s that I finally looked for answers.

Getting treatment

It was my tight muscles that did it. No matter how much stretching I did I couldn’t get my neck/shoulders and my calves to relax. After some Googling I came to the conclusion it was likely anxiety, and I decided I should talk to someone about it.

I had just restarted treatment for depression, so it was just a matter of mentioning it at my next appointment. Surprisingly, I was so scared! Talking it out with my husband, I figured out I was nervous about the idea of not being anxious.

Although I hadn’t realized it at the time, looking back I had anxiety for so long (almost 20 years!) that the idea of not being anxious was completely strange and scary.

Asking for treatment is the best thing I could have done. It’s hard to describe the relief I felt once I noticed the anxiety receding. A whole new world opened up to me, and I felt such gratitude! I’m still working on overcoming the last bits of my social anxiety, but most of my general anxiety seems to be under control.

And then there’s today

With my most recent meds adjustment, I’m doing really well. Just prior to this, I was doing okay, but still had some struggles.

It was most noticeable at night. Lying in bed intrusive thoughts popped into my head, and I had to distract myself so I didn’t spiral down into self loathing. Telling myself the negative thoughts aren’t true is only so effective at night. There is too much time to think. When that is an issue, games on my phone help me through the worst of it usually. Once my mind quiets down a bit, I move on to listening to music. Music helps me to fall asleep, and in the morning the thoughts are a distant memory that I know to not be real. This was a problem almost every night, so I knew my meds weren’t quite right.

I went in to discuss it and we made adjustments that improved my anxiety and also decreased some side effects I was dealing with. At this point, I’m doing much better, and I’m very happy with our choice.

I’m confident that, while there will be ups and downs, my anxiety will continue to improve. Continued learning, pushing myself, and support from loved ones will make a big difference.

The author's name, Leigh, in red script, to the left with a coffee cup to the right.

Finding My Holiday Spirit With Hygge

Depression and anxiety can take the fun out of the holidays. The fatigue, low moods, poor stress tolerance and apathy makes holiday stuff feel overwhelming or pointless. It’s really hard to be excited about decorations, gifts, and songs when it all feels futile.

I haven’t enjoyed the holidays for quite awhile. It’s probably been close to 7 years since I looked forward to this time of year, so it’s a fading memory for me. I really miss that excitement and fun though, and I’m in a better mental place now, so I’m determined to rediscover my holiday spirit.

When I started thinking about it, I tried to place what the base feeling was that I was looking for. “Cozy” seemed to fit best. So much of the holidays centers around that concept. It seemed to me that if I could embrace keeping things cozy around the house it would really encourage me to get into the holiday spirit, and that’s when I started exploring the idea of hygge.

Hygge

For awhile now I’ve seen hygge mentioned around the internet, but never had any interest in finding out more. I had the general idea that it had to do with being “cozy”, but that’s about it. Hygge – pronounced [hoo-ga] is the Danish concept of coziness created when enjoying good food, drinks, and fireside times with friends and family. I’ve decided to focus on four aspects for myself.

Holiday Lighting

We don’t have a fireplace, so I’m needing to make do with creative lighting. Our Christmas tree was the first place we started.

My xmas tree with red and white lights, candy canes, and a red and silver robot ornament

I’m loving the lights C put on the year. It reminds me of a candy cane!

Another set of lights we do each year is our banister. We use some lighted garland here.

multicolored lights on an evergreen garland wrapped around a banister with a wooden shelf with knick knacks, a pink and black painting, and part of a tv in the background

This is something we have consistently done even when I couldn’t be bothered to do any other decorating.

New this year is my living room window idea. We’ve been leaving this ivy/holly garland up year round but I’ve wanted to make it a bit more pulled together looking. So, searching for “hygge” decorating, I saw some pics that gave me this idea.

white lights and ivy garland wrapped around a curtain rod above my window with cream horizontal blinds covering the window

So, I bought this string of white LED lights and wound it around the curtain rod with the garland. This will stay up year round, and I’m loving it!

Holiday Scents

Yummy cooking/baking smells really add to a cozy atmosphere. In fact, when trying to sell a house it is a common tip to bake cookies before an open house.

I like to use wax melts to add fragrance to our home. I own two warmers (in my bedroom and living/dining room) and often have two different scents going at once.

Owl wax warmer with a evergreen and red/black plaid background and an infant picture of my son.stained glass wax warmer with pastel flower shapes on a wooden table. background is blue and white tissue paper

Some of my favorite scents for fall and winter are vanilla, caramel, praline, and spices like cloves, nutmeg, and cinnamon. I prefer the melts from Tuscany Candle and Oak & Rye out of others at the stores local to me. There are different brands you can order online or at home parties, but I don’t like that method of buying them. I like to be able to smell them in person, and grab one or two while I’m already out shopping.

Candles are not used nearly so often in my home, but we do have a few Pet Odor Exterminator Candles we light now and again to help with the pet smell (three dogs and a cat will do that). I recently bought a Pumpkin & Spice scented one from our vet for the holiday season.

Winter Comfort

One of my favorite parts of colder weather is being able to feel snuggly in sweaters and fleece. I have sensitive skin, so I need very soft sweaters. Nothing itchy for me! Leggings are my go-to pant option since they are so gentle for my fibro body. We found some wonderful soft and perfectly warm (not too hot) fleece lined leggings at Wal-Mart this year.

Cuddling up under soft blankets is wonderful also, so we keep our heaters turned just a few degrees lower to make evening snuggles possible. We have an assortment of fleece blankets and also crochet blankets that my grandma and mom made for us. They keep us warm and inspire wonderful memories.

Honeycat curled up on bed
Cooler temps inside encourage pet cuddles too.

Soft, warm socks are another way to feel snuggly, cozy. I love soft wool socks, but they can be hard to find in my size, so I have some fuzzy fleece ones too. Cold feet are never fun, so why not make sure your feet are warm and comfy?

pink fleece socks with white stripes and designs on them

Food and the Holidays

I think most people would agree that cold weather calls for soup, roasts, and other crock pot friendly meals. We eat these year round, but definitely more so during fall and winter.

Crock pot meals are especially nice because they make your house smell yummy much of the day. I love getting the work done early in the day so we don’t need to worry about it later when we are worn out.

Baking is great for making the house smell good too. Also, since the oven usually heats the house up, winter is a lovely time to bake more rather than summer. You could even take this a bit further and bake gifts for friends, family, and neighbors!

With any decision to make a change it is important to not take on too much at once. That’s why I’ve chosen these four hygge concepts to start with. They are easy to add into what we are already doing, and are, in some cases, simply ways to up my self-care game. No pressure, just enjoyment.

What do you like to use to feel cozy?

The author's name, Leigh, in red script, to the left with a coffee cup to the right.

8 Ways To Use A Journal For Self-Care And Beyond

Journaling is a wonderful way to keep track of your thoughts, memories, and many other things. I was surprised at just how many different ways there are to journal. I chose eight of them to share with you here, but there really is no limit to the way you can use a journal.

Gratitude

A gratitude journal is commonly suggested in self-help and mental health circles. Keeping a journal focused on gratitude is recommended for anxiety and depression, as a part of a mindfulness practice, and for anyone looking for more peace and happiness. You can approach this journal in a few ways, but a popular way is to sit down each evening, and write what you are thankful for that day. For more info and ideas try 5 Steps For Creating A Gratitude Journal and The Ultimate Guide To Keeping A Gratitude Journal.

Dream

Tracking dreams is another common way to use a journal. You keep a dream journal next to your bed, and write your dreams as soon as you wake up. Keeping a record of your dreams can help you find a pattern, and perhaps help you understand why you are having those dreams. Check out Why You Should Keep A Dream Diary  and 7 Tips For Keeping A Dream Journal to learn more.

Reading

Are you a big reader? Keeping a reading journal allows you to do more than keep track of the books you’ve read. You can list out books you want to read, reflect on your thoughts and feelings about them, lessons learned, and more. How To Keep A Reading Journal lays out the steps concisely. You can also print out The MMD Printable Reading Journal for some easy customization.

Travel

You don’t have to be a big traveler to keep a travel journal. Whether you keep an ongoing journal for all of your adventures, or just keep one for a single very special trip, this kind can help you keep your traveling memories all in one place. Travel Journal Ideas: How To Hold On To Your Memories has fantastic tips and suggestions to get you started.

Group or Family Journal

This journal is kept as a group. Perhaps each person writes something everyday, or maybe you take turns. 55 Shared Journaling Ideas has a good explanation and lots of ideas, and I love the approach at How Our Family Journal Started. A Communication Journal For Home and Classroom shows how a group journal can be a wonderful parenting tool. Creating A Family Journal has some lovely ideas too.

Use a Journal for Planning

As I’m sure is obvious, this method has a broad use. Like any planner, you can use a planning journal for daily use, weekly, monthly or yearly. You can also use a journal to plan specific events. For examples, check out bullet journals. They have great layouts for daily, weekly, and monthly.

You can also plan out your garden, keeping track of what works (or doesn’t), or the seasonal changes you see in your garden/neighborhood. Why A Garden Journal Is Your Most Valuable Tool goes into wonderful detail. How To Start Your Own Family Adventure Journal shows one take on a nature journal.

Keeping track of any kind of projects (home improvement, crafts, redecorating, hobbies, etc.) is a great use for a planning journal. Having one place to keep track of your ideas, plans, receipts, successes, and mistakes is really handy. In addition, if you need to look back for any reason, you will have everything right there to see. This YouTube video lays out one way to do it and is a nice example.

Specific Time Period

Instead of having an ongoing journal, you can use one for a very special event/time. Some possibilities I could think of were: wedding, birthdays, senior year, college, and pregnancy. Any event, or time period, that you find important enough to record is perfect for this journal.

Bullet Journal

This is my favorite of journal and the kind I keep. A bullet journal can be any and all of these types all wrapped into one with an index to help you find what you are looking for. Bullet Journal is the original site, but lots of people have their own take on it all over the web. The Bullet Journal, Minus The Hype, Is Actually A Really Good Planner and How To Bullet Journal: The Absolute Ultimate Guide have lots of info. Pinterest has oodles of creative ideas for a bullet journal done anyway you could possibly want.

Basically, if there is anything you want to remember or track there is a way to journal it. The only limitations are that of your creativity or searching skills. Feel free to link below if you have written about your own journaling and would like to share. 🙂 I’d love to hear how you use a journal.

Want to keep a journal on the computer or your phone? Check out my post 7 Electronic Alternatives To A Paper Journal.

The author's name, Leigh, in red script, to the left with a coffee cup to the right.

 

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12 Signs You Have Low Self-Esteem

I was all set to write about self-confidence. Then I got into the definitions, and realized self-esteem was actually what I had in mind.

Self-confidence: a feeling of trust in one’s abilities, qualities, and judgment.

Self-esteem: confidence in one’s own worth or abilities; self-respect.

See, I want to talk about self-esteem. I want you to know deep down that you are worthy of love and respect. Since self-esteem develops over time, it isn’t something you can just read a multi-step list or “one mega secret” article about and fix. Self-esteem is a long-term goal. Still, I included a few things at the end of the post that you can do to start building yours up.

So, how can you tell if you have low self-esteem? Here are a few possible signs.

12 Signs of Low Self-Esteem

Indicators of low self-esteem

Inability to accept compliments: Do you find it hard to just say, “thank you” when someone offers you a compliment? Are you suspicious of their intentions? Is the idea of deserving praise foreign to you?

Accentuating the negative: When asked about yourself, can you list your strengths, or is it only your weaknesses that jump to mind? If you think of how life is right now, do you think of positives and wins or only struggles?

Being overly concerned about the opinions of others: Do you make choices based on what other people might like? Does the idea of other people judging you cause daily stress?

Self neglect: Are you good at self-care, or do you let it slide? Do you make sure you get the sleep, food, etc you need? Do you see the doctor?

Reluctance to take on challenges: Do you try new things? Are you challenging yourself at work or in your personal life? Would your friends and family say you play it safe?

Backing down during a disagreement to appease others: If you quit an argument, is it to keep the peace, or because you have changed your mind. Do you ever win an argument? Can you stand firm in your thoughts on a subject?

Reluctance to put yourself first: Are your needs ever first priority? Someone with low self-esteem doesn’t think they are important enough, and so is always taking care of everyone else before themselves.

You give up too soon:  Do you work for what you want or give in without a fight? This can apply to arguments, fights, or goals in life among other things. If something you want is hard do you keep trying?

Being indecisive over simple decisions: If you can’t decide what to wear each morning, and lunch seems like a life or death choice, you may be suffering from low self-esteem. It shouldn’t be so hard to make uncomplicated decisions. Do you worry any choice you make is wrong?

You compare yourself with others: Is your focus on yourself and your path in life, or do you always focus on how you compare to other people? Can you see your successes on their own, or is it always in measure to how someone else did?

Taking constructive criticism too personally: If someone suggests a way you can improve at your job (or in some other way), does it trigger tears or anger? Can you listen to criticism and see it as something helpful?

Reluctance to trust your own opinion or contribute it in conversation: Do you speak up, or hang back not sure your thoughts are worth sharing? Is it common for you to second guess yourself?

Do you recognize more than one or two of these? If so, it’s a good indication you have low self-esteem. Don’t worry, you aren’t alone. (I recognize more than a couple of them myself.) The good news is that, knowing this, you can start working toward improving how you see yourself! You may not believe it right now, but you are seeing yourself through a distorted lens.

It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else's eyes. -by Sally Field

Simple Activities That Help Raise Self-Esteem

Accept Compliments: Trust people are being sincere when they offer you a compliment. Take this a step further, and write these compliments down! Keep them in a notebook to review on days you are being extra hard on yourself, at the end of the week, or even go over them daily!

Find what you are good at and do it: Having confidence in your abilities, and allowing yourself pride in those skills, will contribute to your self-esteem over time. If you don’t already have a hobby or something that you enjoy, explore your options until you find one. Then, keep at it, and watch those skills improve.

Stop comparing yourself to others: I said simple, not easy. *wink* This may take time, but it is very important to start working on. The only person you should ever compare yourself to is you, and there are exceptions even to that.

I hope this gives you a good idea where you stand with your self-esteem, and a start on improving if needed. Everyone deserves to know, and feel, they are enough in this world and worthy of love and respect.

Be sure to share this on your favorite social media. We all know someone who can use a self-esteem boost.

The author's name, Leigh, in red script, to the left with a coffee cup to the right.

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The 3 Steps I Use To Embrace Change I Want In My Life

Change is hard. Yeah, yeah, you know this. Everyone knows this, but did you know that even simple changes that you want, and you know will make your life immensely better, can be scary?

My Experience With Change

One such change for me was treating my anxiety. I have treated my depression a few times, but never really focused on my anxiety. I finally decided it was likely a bigger problem than I realized, so I made myself an appointment.

While I was eager to treat my anxiety, so it would stop interfering with my life, I also felt very nervous. It wasn’t just nerves over the appointment, which is a familiar feeling. It was something else, and I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. So I thought about it, and talked it out with my husband. He let me use him as a sounding board, and it was so helpful.

Finally it dawned on me what I was nervous about. I was anxious about not feeling anxious! Now, I’m sure that sounds silly. I know I felt pretty silly at first! Then I thought more about it, and it made sense. I’ve dealt with anxiety most of my life. The idea of not having anxiety was so strange, so unknown, that it scared me. I honestly almost canceled.

I didn’t because I knew there was benefit to treating my anxiety even if the idea was scary. It had to be better to not worry, have tense muscles, struggle to sleep, and have panic attacks on top of other things. I didn’t know what it would be like, but surely it was an improvement.

Of course I was right! Those first few weeks were amazing. Over and over I marveled at how different I felt. I wish I could describe it for you. I realized I was laughing more often and with more feeling than I had in years. My smile was a bigger smile than before. I had no idea that my previous “happy” was so muted. There was still some anxiety, but I wasn’t always thinking of new worries. I also stopped having many of my muscle cramps. (I still get some from my fibromyalgia.) Sleep is still a struggle at times, but now it is only from pain and not anxiety. I don’t have to also fight negative thoughts as I lie in bed trying to fall asleep.

How Can You Apply My Steps?

Yeah, change is scary, but it can be so, so worth it. So, how do you move forward with change if you are scared? Well, first you need to work out why you are scared. There are many ways to do that some options are:

  • Journaling – Sitting down with a blank page and just writing everything down is a very effective method for many people. Whether you use writing prompts, write a letter to yourself, or use the brain dump method, getting it all out and written down in front of you can help you put order to your thoughts.
  • Finding someone to use as a sounding board – This works fantastically for me. A person willing to just listen and let me bounce ideas off of them, like a friend, spouse or family member, helps me make sense of the thoughts ping ponging around in my head. Many times they don’t even need to give any kind of feedback. My thoughts just order themselves as I talk it out. Other times they are able to come up with questions that I didn’t think of, and that’s enough to help me work through my problem.
  • Meditation – This helps for similar reasons as the other two. Meditation can help you slow down your thoughts, and let your brain put some kind of order to them. As you quiet your thoughts, it’s easier for the answer you are looking for to bob to the surface and be clear.

Once you figure out exactly what you are scared of, take a good look at it. Recognize that fear and let yourself feel it. It’s okay if you think the fear is silly or irrational, it’s still a valid feeling! If you can figure out the “why” behind your fear, even better, but it’s okay if you can’t. Really understanding your fear makes it easier to fully acknowledge it and move past.

Now that you have a face to your fear, let’s refocus. I want you to write down every reason you can think of that this change is a good thing. Every reason, no matter how small. We aren’t going for a pro/con list. Remember, this is a change we know is a good idea. We are just getting past the fear, so you can act on implementing this wonderful change.

Once you have that list, read it over and over. Add to it if you think of anything else at any point. Now, take a leap and go for it! When those fears pop up again, remember this list and repeat it to yourself. You can do this! You are worth it!

What change are you working on? How is it going? Do you need any more help working yourself up to going for it? Please share down below, or drop me an email!

The author's name, Leigh, in red script, to the left with a coffee cup to the right.

How Can I Find Self-Acceptance With Chronic or Mental Illness?

I’ve previously been covering self-acceptance from a very general direction. I want to focus in a little more now. Personally, I have found self-acceptance extra hard due to my chronic illnesses and mental illnesses. It only makes sense that other people have the same problems, so I want to share my thoughts and solutions.

Accepting Limits

One struggle I have is accepting my limits. Whether you compare yourself to what society expects, or to what you could do “before”, it is hard to accept that you can’t just do whatever you “set your mind to”. Before I got sick, I knew that if I decided I was going to do something, it was going to happen. Now I find myself limited by pain and fatigue; if not by depression and anxiety.

I have found it important to accept that these things will happen. It isn’t my fault, and there is no reason for, or benefit to, me to blame myself. Just like the weather can mess with your outdoor plans, my illnesses and mental health can interrupt my daily plans. In accepting this, I can “go with the flow” more and not simply give up.

If I continue to define myself by what I can't do, or what normal people do, I will destroy myself." Quote from LauraChamberlain.co.uk

Self-Worth

I used to base my worth on what I could do. My grades, my work, my housework, my caring for the kids, etc., all affected my self-esteem. Then I couldn’t do any of it. Brain fog took my “smarts”, and pain and fatigue took my ability to do housework and mother the way I had been. Anxiety never allowed me to work outside of the house for very long. I was left with nothing and felt I was worthless. My husband and kids showed me I was wrong.

They showed me, but this is true even without them. I am worthy, just by being me. The fact that I exist makes me worthy and valuable. This applies to everyone! You too are valuable and worthy just by existing. You don’t need to earn the right to like yourself.

Taking a Second Look at Limits

So, if we are worthy, just by being alive, our limits don’t take anything away from our value. Physical limits are just a line drawn by our body telling us where we need to stop. Respecting those limits are a part of self-care. Rather than fight them and suffering the consequences, most of the time we need to listen to our bodies.

Your value isn't in your doing or saying. It's in your being.

Now, that isn’t to say never push the limits. Some things we may find “worth it”. An occasional special outing with friends or family can be worth feeling worse for a week or two. Repeatedly pushing ourselves will only worsen our health long-term though. You deserve to be treated better than that.

Our ideal may be being able to do everything for everyone each time, and then we feel guilt, anger, failure, etc when we can’t do it. Changing our outlook and seeing it as a way our loved ones can be there for us is helpful. We have a different situation that does not lead to the “typical” expectations. It is fine to expect a change from others, rather than them expect the same or “normal” from us.

Boundaries are a function of self-respect and self-love. -quote by Brene Brown

Boundaries

This is where boundaries come in handy. Boundaries show others how to treat us. They are a line drawn in the sand. By setting boundaries, we let others know who we are, what we allow, and what is not tolerated.

Chronically ill people and those with mental health issues may have to be extra tough when it comes to boundaries. Healthy people do not always understand our limits and may forcefully push us to surpass them. We must be stubborn at enforcing those boundaries to care for ourselves. People in our life must understand that we mean business, and crossing our boundaries is not okay. They are just as valid as anyone else’s. So many times, people think that just because they don’t understand our various struggles, the struggles are not legitimate when that is the furthest thing from the truth.

Boundaries can be hard to set. If you need some help figuring out which ones to set, and how to do so, I prepared a free “Setting Boundaries Workbook” for you to download.

It is not your responsibility to convince anyone to respect your boundaries. You set the boundary, it is their place to accept it. Be firm, and your loved ones will catch on.

Rethinking Goals and Dreams

The last way I want to talk about limits has to do with goals and dreams. Having a chronic or mental illness can affect what dreams and goals are possible. That doesn’t mean you should give up on them though. you have a few possibilities. First it is possible that you can find a way to use modifications to make it happen. For instance, someone who wants to be an author, but loses the ability to type, can use voice recognition software to write still. If your dream job seems un-achievable, perhaps there is still something in the same or similar field that you can do.

I didn’t think there was any career available for me. Between high pain days, bad fatigue, and my depression or anxiety acting up, I’m not exactly the epitome of a reliable employee. This limits job/career choices quite a lot. Now, I didn’t have any certain job in mind to begin with. In fact, I chose to not go to college (and use my scholarship), because I didn’t have any goal in mind. Nothing has ever grabbed my attention.

After being diagnosed, it didn’t seem likely I would ever be employable. Well, maybe I’m not, but I’ve found a way to employ myself. Being a blogger allows me to work within my limits, and it is a way for me to help people, which I’ve always felt a pull toward. I share this personal bit to show how limits don’t have to limit you, but can actually open up previously unseen chances. To see how I work with my limits as a blogger, check out my monthly series, Confessions of a Chronically Ill Blogger.

There are a variety of ways that someone with either a chronic illness or mental health issues will find their journey to self-acceptance a different challenge than a healthy person. I’m going to stop here, but I’ll address other points soon.

Are there any particular concerns you would like me to write about? Let me know in the comments! You can email me anytime also at leighbryant@flawedmessylife.com .

The author's name, Leigh, in red script, to the left with a coffee cup to the right.

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Did You Know There Is More Value To Selfies Than Many People Think?

You see people all over social media decrying the value of selfies. Claims of them being a symptom of narcissism, a sign of self involvement, or being a self indulgence are prevalent.  But are they?

Woman taking a selfie with a red and silver iphone

What is a selfie?

From the Oxford Dictionary, a selfie is, “A photograph that one has taken of oneself, typically one taken with a smartphone or webcam and shared via social media.

So, all it is, is a picture you took of yourself. Seems pretty harmless, right? Maybe it’s the purpose of a selfie that people find so objectionable.

What is the purpose of a selfie?

A selfie is all about you. In most selfies, you are the center of attention. You might highlight something else in the background also, or do a joint selfie with friends, but the whole point is that you are in the picture. Hmmm… I still don’t see a problem, but this seems to be what the critics have an issue with.

Woman up against a mirror taking a selfie

Selfies don’t really have to have a point. They are a great way to share with the world what is going on in your life that day. They say, hey, I’m here, and I take up space on this planet. That’s a good thing! Posting selfies challenges the idea that you have to justify yourself, and your wish to be seen, to others. You don’t have to justify yourself to anyone though. It is perfectly fine to take notice of yourself and share that with others, if you want.

Selfies are a great confidence booster and a simple, fast way of promoting positive self talk. Having a great hair day? Maybe you are really loving your outfit of the day (OOTD). Perhaps you finally did something you have been meaning to for a long time, and you are really proud? Selfies are a fantastic way to project your awesomeness to the world in a still subtle way. You are allowed to take up space in this world, both online and in real life.

Arguments against selfies

Some people fight back with an indignant “how dare you, who do you think you are??” attitude, and appear in the comments with some awful words. Ignore them, and block them if necessary. There is a deeply ingrained stigma toward having any positivity about yourself. Moving against this stigma makes people uncomfortable, and they try to police your “rebellion” with accusations of narcissism and being superficial.

Selfies Are:

Claims of selfies being a “cry for attention”  get tossed around too. First off, so what if they are? It’s perfectly ok to want attention! What these accusations really boil down to though, is that many are threatened by girls/women/femmes using selfies as an expression of independence. If we are proud of ourselves, if we are already confident and drawing our confidence from inside, we can’t be controlled as easily. Creating our own positive image of ourselves, rather than depending on the media and other outside opinions for our validation, puts us in a wonderful position of power. That confidence the naysayers deride is healthy!

Take yourself out to eat. Don't share your popcorn at the movies with anyone. Stroll around an art museum alone. Fall in love with canvases. Fall in love with yourself.

This applies only if you are not basing your self-worth and confidence solely on the internet’s opinion of your selfies. That is not healthy. If you are struggling with this, here is a self care/self love exercise to try. Put on a favorite outfit, try a new hairstyle, or do something else that makes you feel confident. Now take a picture, and write down 5 compliments about your appearance. If you struggle with this, pretend it’s a picture of a stranger, and try again.  Hopefully you wouldn’t insult a stranger, so treat yourself just as well and find some kind things to say about your picture.

It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else's eyes. -by Sally Field

I’ve got a couple of links for you to check out also. Here you can find 5 Reasons Why You Should Never Apologize For Your Selfies. I love their take on the subject. Also, please check out 35 Artists Who Were Unashamed of Their Selfies. If artists can do it, why can’t we? 🙂

Never Apologize For Selfies

The author's name, Leigh, in red script, to the left with a coffee cup to the right.

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