In the midst of this, I started watching YouTube videos with the kids. They had some favorites they wanted to share with me, and I thought it would be good bonding time. It turned out to be some great laughs for me. My kids have good taste!
I decided to watch past videos, and looked up their funny stuff on Pinterest. If you know me, you know this is typical. I’m a “researcher”. I always like to know more.
These quotes hit me hard. Like “having a freaking epiphany” hard. I can actually do what I want with my life. I really don’t know why it took this particular wording, at this particular time, but it did, and it clicked.
So then I was thinking, what do I want to do with my life? What will make it the best life for me? It’s the same questions as before really, but something clicked in my head. So I thought, no matter what I do, what does everything I do come back to? I want to help. I want to help people. From there it was a matter of brainstorming and narrowing down ideas until this blog was born!
(Now, at the beginning of this, I stated that my inspiration for the blog was embarrassing for me. Why? Well, for some reason I’m a bit embarrassed to be so inspired by two twenty-something guys on YouTube. Is that reasonable? I don’t know, but there it is.)
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I found a new purpose to my life in a kinda round about way. It sounds dumb, and is a bit embarrassing for me, but I want to give credit where it is due. I suppose it starts with a quote.
A story begins somewhere…
Over time I have read plenty of great quotes. Wonderfully uplifting, motivational words. For example:
There are so many more. These are great, but didn’t help me with one of my bigger problems. Not only do I suffer from low self-esteem, but I’ve been struggling to find a purpose beyond being a mother.
Trying to be OK with life in general not having a purpose didn’t help. I still needed a direction for myself. For the longest time my kids were enough. They take enough time and energy those first few years, it can be very easy to let them be your sole focus. So, with my kids being out of the stages that require such intense focus, I found myself a bit lost. I didn’t need to spend all my time chasing them, researching solutions, and caring for them. I had unfocused time that was filled with nothing of importance. This contributed to my depression to the point where my whole existence was centered around trying to survive depression and anxiety.
Now I have the right meds, and they made a big difference, but I was still struggling somehow.
When I decided to write a blog, I wanted to make it as authentic as possible. I am far from perfect in my life, and I find a lot of comfort in seeing that other people have similar struggles. I’m not the only one to have unwashed dishes, piled up laundry, and fighting kids.
As much as I would like to be, I’m not an organized person. I’m not a great housekeeper. I’m not an endlessly patient parent. I am flawed. We all are, and it is a relief to see that reflected in others.
And, although it would be nice for our lives to go smoothly and according to plan, that rarely happens. Hell, I find it hard to even have a life plan. I’ve tried since high school, and recently is the first time I’ve felt like I had much of an idea of what I wanted to do with myself.
So, we are all flawed people, living a messy life. See what I did there? *smile*
And, yeah, I’m aware of my acronym. 😉 It’s one of the reasons I went with this name. My 17 year old and my husband both encouraged me. lol
Hi! My name is Leigh, and I’m writing this from my couch in Kansas.
A little about me. I’m 37, married, and a mother to four kids. They are 17, 15, 11, and 7, so I’ve got some time on my hands now.
I deal with depression, generalized anxiety, social anxiety, fibromyalgia, dysautonomia, and inflammatory arthritis. I may have ADD, but I haven’t been diagnosed.
Faced with all of that, I find myself feeling like a failure most of the time. I recently had some breakthroughs, and discovered ways to change it. I started this blog to share them, because if I can help one person feel better about themselves, and more empowered about their life, I’ll have accomplished something.
(Update July 3, 2017: I’ve written a much better introduction on my About Me page. )
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