My Inspiration for this Blog (part 2)

And then comes the middle…

In the midst of this, I started watching YouTube videos with the kids. They had some favorites they wanted to share with me, and I thought it would be good bonding time.  It turned out to be some great laughs for me. My kids have good taste!

I decided to watch past videos, and looked up their funny stuff on Pinterest. If you know me, you know this is typical. I’m a “researcher”. I always like to know more.

I learned that these two funny guys are incredible people. They care about their fans. They have struggled themselves, and want to be there for their subscribers. These men are Phil Lester of AmazingPhil and Dan Howell of danisnotonfire.

I found quotes like these:

It's a good thing to be strange, normalness leads to sadness. --Phil Lester

You are an independent mind in this universe that can do everything and anything you have ever dreamed of. --Dan Howell

Am I important? You are the center of your own universe, as a human with existence. So yes, you are important. Every human that can realize they're in existence, is important. Always remember that. --Dan Howell

Then I ran across these:

You are a human with one life, and it's up to you to make it the best life you can. -Dan Howell

You decide who you want to be, and do what you want with your life. -Dan Howell

These quotes hit me hard. Like “having a freaking epiphany” hard. I can actually do what I want with my life. I really don’t know why it took this particular wording, at this particular time, but it did, and it clicked.

So then I was thinking, what do I want to do with my life? What will make it the best life for me? It’s the same questions as before really, but something clicked in my head. So I thought, no matter what I do, what does everything I do come back to? I want to help. I want to help people. From there it was a matter of brainstorming and narrowing down ideas until this blog was born!

(Now, at the beginning of this, I stated that my inspiration for the blog was embarrassing for me. Why? Well, for some reason I’m a bit embarrassed to be so inspired by two twenty-something guys on YouTube. Is that reasonable? I don’t know, but there it is.)

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My Inspiration for this Blog (part 1)

I found a new purpose to my life in a kinda round about way. It sounds dumb, and is a bit embarrassing for me, but I want to give credit where it is due. I suppose it starts with a quote.

A story begins somewhere…

Over time I have read plenty of great quotes. Wonderfully uplifting, motivational words. For example:

Choose everyday to forgive yourself. You are human, flawed, and most of all worthy of love --Alison Malee

I don't know a perfect person. I only know flawed people who are still worth loving. --John Green

My Inspiration for This Blog pt1

There are so many more. These are great, but didn’t help me with one of my bigger problems. Not only do I suffer from low self-esteem, but I’ve been struggling to find a purpose beyond being a mother.

Trying to be OK with life in general not having a purpose didn’t help. I still needed a direction for myself.  For the longest time my kids were enough. They take enough time and energy those first few years, it can be very easy to let them be your sole focus. So, with my kids being out of the stages that require such intense focus, I found myself a bit lost. I didn’t need to spend all my time chasing them, researching solutions, and caring for them. I had unfocused time that was filled with nothing of importance.  This contributed to my depression to the point where my whole existence was centered around trying to survive depression and anxiety.

Now I have the right meds, and they made a big difference, but I was still struggling somehow.

Go to Part 2

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A Quick Family Overview

I’ll go into more detail later, but here is a brief glimpse at my family.

I’ve been married for 19 years. My husband, J, is my best friend. (I know. Cheesy.) He travels a bunch for work, but I love when he is able to be home more.

We have four kids. My oldest, F, is 17 and will be 18 in three months. Next is E, who is 15, then C, who recently turned eleven. Finally, we have W, who is 7.

I miss baby and toddler stuff, but I’m very much done having more kids.

My mom lives with us. This March will be 13 years. I honestly didn’t know if it would work for even a few months when we started, but here we are now with no plans to change anything.

My parents have been divorced since I was 5. My dad lives in another town about an hour from here. We see him every few months.

I also have a younger sister, R. She has two great kids, N.D., 14, and N.J., 10.

So, that’s the basics of who I’ll be talking about here. 🙂 Of course there are my in-laws too, but that will be another post.

Flawed, Messy Life?

So what’s behind that name?

Glad you asked!

When I decided to write a blog, I wanted to make it as authentic as possible. I am far from perfect in my life, and I find a lot of comfort in seeing that other people have similar struggles. I’m not the only one to have unwashed dishes, piled up laundry, and fighting kids.

As much as I would like to be, I’m not an organized person. I’m not a great housekeeper. I’m not an endlessly patient parent. I am flawed. We all are, and it is a relief to see that reflected in others.

And, although it would be nice for our lives to go smoothly and according to plan, that rarely happens. Hell, I find it hard to even have a life plan. I’ve tried since high school, and recently is the first time I’ve felt like I had much of an idea of what I wanted to do with myself.

So, we are all flawed people, living a messy life. See what I did there? *smile*

And, yeah, I’m aware of my acronym. 😉 It’s one of the reasons I went with this name. My 17 year old and my husband both encouraged me. lol

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10 Quick Facts About Me

  1. I was born in 1979.
  2. I got married in 1997.
  3. My parents are divorced.
  4. I have a few chronic illnesses.
  5. I love to read.
  6. I am learning how to crochet and loom knit.
  7. I don’t know how to drive a stick.
  8. I have a sister.
  9. At this point in time, we have three dogs, three cats, 16 chickens, and 2 fish.
  10. I live in the middle of Kansas and have done so most of my life.

Want to know more about me? Check out my About Me page! Also be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss out on my most recent posts.

 

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Hello!

Hi! My name is Leigh, and I’m writing this from my couch in Kansas.

Photo of Leigh: very fair skin, dark rimmed glasses, dark brown hair about cheekbone length, wearing a sleeveless black shirt.

A little about me. I’m 37, married, and a mother to four kids. They are 17, 15, 11, and 7, so I’ve got some time on my hands now.

A photo of Me (Leigh) lying on a bed with my four kids next to me.
The kids and I in 2012

I deal with depression, generalized anxiety, social anxiety, fibromyalgia, dysautonomia, and inflammatory arthritis. I may have ADD, but I haven’t been diagnosed.

If I continue to define myself by what I can't do, or what normal people do, I will destroy myself." Quote from LauraChamberlain.co.uk

Faced with all of that, I find myself feeling like a failure most of the time. I recently had some breakthroughs, and discovered ways to change it. I started this blog to share them, because if I can help one person feel better about themselves, and more empowered about their life, I’ll have accomplished something.

flawed, & (still) worthy

(Update July 3, 2017: I’ve written a much better introduction on my About Me page. )

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